I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
