I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
