I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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