Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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