please come you make the beer taste better
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
