I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
