I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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Opt out of the full body scans so TSA has to pat you down, and be sure to smile the entire time
Tell them that's not a gun in your pocket, you're just happy to see them
"I shall alert the media."
Careful, this thing is loaded.
Was there a man in a black hat selling you Viagra?
Excellent xkcd reference, sir.
You might as well make your Freedom Fondles as fun as possible.
Who da fuq says "erection"?