i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
