I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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