Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
