worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
where does the pee come out of this thing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
