when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
