I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
