My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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