i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
