I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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