Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
