so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
