a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
