i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
