Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
