Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
