It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
