Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
