you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize