What a fucking waste of an outfit
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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