I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
