i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
