if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
