you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
