I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
