All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
this is an emotional support booty call
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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