I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I pour the whiskey from now on
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
