Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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