I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
my liver is dry heaving
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
