I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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