I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
