the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
