It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
