Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The adults are the big ones right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
