I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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