Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
