If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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