I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My dick has a subreddit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
