Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
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If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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