It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
