he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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