i think my tv is drunk
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
