i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
