i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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