So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
