Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
