I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
