my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Vodka?
Forever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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