she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
