dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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