What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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