they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
