now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
honey bunches of taint.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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