8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
