We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
