Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
