don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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