Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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