You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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