totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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