the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
