I wish I could punch you in the face.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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