Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
