I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??