you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
