The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
