wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
