you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
