one two three fourrrrnication!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
