I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
