Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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