Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
