Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
