i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
