i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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